Category: News

  • The Great Undoing: The Mechanics of a Belief and How to Change them

    The Great Undoing: The Mechanics of a Belief and How to Change them

    A Belief Becomes Its Own Ecosystem.
    Throughout our life we have certain experiences, good, bad, ugly and our parents had certain experiences, our country had certain historical experiences and when adopted beliefs that tried to protect us from reality. The problem is that perpetuate suffering if not questioned.

    For example, many years ago I had a young Muslim woman who joined an introduction I was taking on The Work of Byron Katie, and her belief she discovered when she asked herself, “what would someone believe in order to experience this” in relation to a certain feeling she was experiencing was “Life is Hard”. When she really enquired into the belief she realised her life, compared to her immigrant parents was really easy, fun and with many opportunities, but when she believed the thought she suffered and everything became difficult. Without the belief she was free to choose her own experience.

    Here is how a belief works:

    Whether conscious or unconscious we believe something to be true based on experience or we adopt beliefs from our parents.

    We gather EVIDENCE to prove it is correct, then the belief changes the way we FEEL, the way we REACT, our experience in our BODY,  whilst other THOUGHTS collect around it and we FILTER life, relationships, money, success and our own sense of sense through the EXPECTATIONS of this alive belief.

    As we gather evidence to prove the belief is correct is comes alive in us, and creates its own thought forms that are self perpetuating, which means when the opposite shows up the majority of the time we cannot see it or experience it as it is incongruent to the belief that is continuously gathering evidence to prove it is correct.

    Now this is a problem as it causes internal suffering and conflict as it argues with reality and our true nature. So what to do?

    The Great Undoing

    Over the years I have worked with many techniques and the one that really works to relieve suffering, whereby the belief when enquired into, let’s go of you, is The Work of Byron Katie: The Great Undoing.

    Time Magazine called it: “4 Questions to Inner Peace”

    Eckhart Tolle said: “Byron Katie’s Work is a great blessing for our planet. It acts like a razor-sharp sword that cuts through illusion and enables you to know for yourself the timeless essence of your being.” 

    Here is how it works:

    Start with something that stresses you. This could be an experience, something that someone does that annoys you or the like.

    1. Ask: What would someone believe in order to experience this?
    2. Write it Down as a short sentence
    3. Then ask from your head and answer from your heart: “Is it true?” Go deep within you and find if you can find the truth, not just your thinking.
    4. If it is a YES then ask: “Can I absolutely know this to be true?” in my heart of hearts. Then proceed to #5
    5. If it is a NO then ask: “How do I react, what happens to me when I think this thought?”
    6. Ask: “How do I treat myself, life, the other when I think this thought?”
    7. Ask: “Who would I be without this thought?” “How would I feel without this thought?” Really go inside and let the space without the thought come alive in you.
    8. Turn it around to opposite ie: To Reality (remember this is not about convincing yourself but meeting reality as it is)
    9. Turn it around to yourself ie: take the other out and add me (how do I treat myself in the same way I say the other is treating me?)
    10. Turn it around to me with the other ie: How do I treat the other in the same way I accuse the other of treating me?
    11. Where is each turnaround truer in your life? try and find as many examples as you can, so that your whole being gets to experience the reality of this.

    The Work of Byron Katie is an opportunity to return home to your true nature, love, an experience of peace and flow with life.

    If you would like to join us an enquire into your stressful thoughts as a group we welcome you. FOR MORE INFORMATION

  • Couples Competing is Rage

    Couples Competing is Rage

    Couples competing in an intimate relationship is rage!
    The power game goes something like this:

    • who is stronger?
    • who will win?
    • who will “give up first?”

    It is a game of hidden rage.

    There are many layers of rage but you can ask yourself: does my rage towards my partner stem from:

    • Unresolved issues when have in our relationship? Have I given my heartbreak, disappointment, needs a voice or has it turned into rage?
    • Collective rage of the gender I am ie women’s rage?
    • Systemic rage; Who is this rage loyal to in my family, or lineage?
    • Unresolved trauma?

    True intimacy cannot thrive in competition, someone has to fly the white flag and offer to change it.

  • Connect Before Correct

    Connect Before Correct

    Our body is much faster than our mind! 

    Have you ever noticed how you look for the story the other person’s body is saying to see if they are telling the truth or you are safe? Our body speaks louder than our words.

    Have you left your body behind in the conversation and simply trying to get your point across?

    Lately I have noticed this tendency, whether it is with couples, as a parent, with a colleague or someone new, to simply get our point across, to quickly correct another’s behaviour before we have connected with ourself. The problem with this is, that we actually don’t really know how another’s behaviour is really affecting us, we just think we do!

    Congruency with ourself, with our body is essential in being believed, being heard, being seen. Many people find themselves listening to the other’s body rather than their words. If the words and body are incongruent then they will believe the body over what they are being verbally told.

    Taking the time to let another’s behaviour touch the body, to be felt there means that we can simply show the other how their behaviour affects us by opening deeper into the feeling and exposing the body’s reaction. Not only are you connecting firstly with yourself, your body, but the other’s body connects with yours. How does that work you ask? Mirror neurons.

    Ever yawned and then half the room yawns? Ever held your breath in a group of people, and the group stops breathing wondering why you have stopped breathing, whilst they shift into mobilisation of the nervous system? We are wired to each other!

    Your body speaks louder than your words

    A Little Exercise

    When you are triggered by someone, allow your body to feel it, rather than going left brain straight away and verbally expressing it cognitively. Let the triggered feelings have room whilst dropping into the body, expand, let the tears come if there are, or the anger move within your body, simply directly experience the feeling and without words allowing this to be seen by the other….what happens?

    Then verbally add a feeling as you lean into your own inner world…

    Then verbally add a need that is not being met (not a solution) in that moment….

    Then ask if the other if they would be willing to….. (add your request here that may help to relieve the feeling) and satisfy the need…..

    And offer what you would be willing to do……(stay with your body)…

    Wait for the other and shift into feeling their body, active listen their feelings as a guess. If you see shock, or sadness in their body, feed back this to see if you are understanding them correctly…. (it looks like you are… (add the feeling here) when I say this?) at the same time stay close to your body, and come back to your feelings and needs and let them be shown through your body.

    Keep shifting between expressing mindfully and listening mindfully to yourself and the other.

    We don’t have influence until we have connection

    What changes when you shift into letting your body tell its story?


    Art by Henn Kim https://www.instagram.com/henn_kim/