Our body is much faster than our mind!
Have you ever noticed how you look for the story the other person’s body is saying to see if they are telling the truth or you are safe? Our body speaks louder than our words.
Have you left your body behind in the conversation and simply trying to get your point across?
Lately I have noticed this tendency, whether it is with couples, as a parent, with a colleague or someone new, to simply get our point across, to quickly correct another’s behaviour before we have connected with ourself. The problem with this is, that we actually don’t really know how another’s behaviour is really affecting us, we just think we do!
Congruency with ourself, with our body is essential in being believed, being heard, being seen. Many people find themselves listening to the other’s body rather than their words. If the words and body are incongruent then they will believe the body over what they are being verbally told.
Taking the time to let another’s behaviour touch the body, to be felt there means that we can simply show the other how their behaviour affects us by opening deeper into the feeling and exposing the body’s reaction. Not only are you connecting firstly with yourself, your body, but the other’s body connects with yours. How does that work you ask? Mirror neurons.
Ever yawned and then half the room yawns? Ever held your breath in a group of people, and the group stops breathing wondering why you have stopped breathing, whilst they shift into mobilisation of the nervous system? We are wired to each other!
Your body speaks louder than your words
A Little Exercise
When you are triggered by someone, allow your body to feel it, rather than going left brain straight away and verbally expressing it cognitively. Let the triggered feelings have room whilst dropping into the body, expand, let the tears come if there are, or the anger move within your body, simply directly experience the feeling and without words allowing this to be seen by the other….what happens?
Then verbally add a feeling as you lean into your own inner world…
Then verbally add a need that is not being met (not a solution) in that moment….
Then ask if the other if they would be willing to….. (add your request here that may help to relieve the feeling) and satisfy the need…..
And offer what you would be willing to do……(stay with your body)…
Wait for the other and shift into feeling their body, active listen their feelings as a guess. If you see shock, or sadness in their body, feed back this to see if you are understanding them correctly…. (it looks like you are… (add the feeling here) when I say this?) at the same time stay close to your body, and come back to your feelings and needs and let them be shown through your body.
Keep shifting between expressing mindfully and listening mindfully to yourself and the other.
We don’t have influence until we have connection
What changes when you shift into letting your body tell its story?
Art by Henn Kim https://www.instagram.com/henn_kim/
